Self and Others

-by Shannon Collins

This week I met with a group of 8^th grade girls to discuss the realities of middle school life. They began to discuss the social hierarchy in their school and how they saw themselves in the structure. They described themselves as the “unpopular” girls (I will continue to use this reference, but I in no way agree with this terminology. I am just using their words).  I was really impressed with their ability to point out that the “popular” girls in their school seemed to be unhappy and constantly seeking approval from the other girls in their group. These “unpopular” girls I was meeting with felt like the “popular” girls were untrustworthy. Although very nice one-on-one, when they were amongst the other girls in their group, their behavior changed. The “unpopular” girls stated that they valued their friendships that were based on trust. I was very impressed with their ability to appreciate genuineness and security, although they did not use this vocabulary. They recognized the insecurity that dominated the behavior and interactions of their “popular” peers.

So often we find ourselves in relationships with people that challenge our security. Do you find that you surround yourself with people who are critical, negative, fearful and insecure? Or are you surrounded by people who are positive, encouraging and secure? It is common for insecure people to attract other insecure people and vice versa.  Positive, secure and genuine people can really help us on our journeys. They provide support, encouragement and inspiration. They are reliable and trustworthy. The more that you are around these types of people, the more you will build up your positive self.  The types of relationships you have can be critical to our success.

Next question… Where do you derive your inner security? Do you look to others to determine your value? Do you need recognition and approval? On some level we all battle with insecurity. But some people seem to struggle more than others. Our relationships can give us insight into our personal definition of security. Like with the 8^th grade girls, evaluate who is influencing our worlds. Are you surrounded by insecure and untrustworthy people? Or are you surrounded by genuine and trustworthy people?  Once we know how we define our worth, we can work to maintain it or to change it.  Like-minded people attract each other. If you want to be surrounded by genuine, secure people, the best way to do that is to work on you! Knowledge is power! Get to know you, so that you can be your best self!